3 wweksof school left.. I went from being on the honour roll to getting 70s... Not to sound like abitchy nerd but that really sucks beacuse If I dont get my good marks I cant get into universitry and I have to apply ina few months.. GAAAAAAAAAAH... anyway SumMMMer is coming too, so excited but Will have nothing to do... What else? Uuuum the family thing sort of cleared up a bit but now new issues are arising. what can i expect tho..shit happens

I:llove:ANGELS AND AIRWAVES

Ok.. bored bye

Okay so I have this notebook. And i just let go when I am alone with it.. (lol sounds weird) I write and write and write and just get out my feelings.. so I guess thats cool. I swear, if somebody finds it and reads it I will seriously be committed lol So it's a little scary.. Hmmmmm... I skipped school for the first tiome today... No reason.. Just very tired.. needed to catch up on my sleep.. I finshed all my important assignments so I know I'm not missing anything big.. hmmm... ok bye

I have been slowly writing.. trying to create.. something... heh.. anyway I'm having issues at home right now.. I guess I shouldn't bitch about it on my DA journal..especially since nobody here knows or cares about me in anyway.. I will write to msyelf.. That's fine... Why am I still writing here? I have no idea. I just came back froma mini-vacation. It was a lot of fun. I almost forgot why I hated home... but of course I am back. I guess its good to jsut be quiet and forget you are dying inside..It doesnt hurt as much when you dont think about it.. ANyway who teh fuck cares anyway... I cant rememebr the last time I smoked a cigarette.. yay.. but who teh fuck cares... MY Leafs are playing very badly right now... suprisingly, Idon't fucking care. My marks are very good.. But who the fuck cares. Last night I had a very weird nightmare that freaked me out.. I woke up and it still felt so real... I never rememebr my dreams... but who teh fuck cares. ok bye.
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Take me away from here.

Wow... I keep dismissing my DA page for some reason, I really should submit something. I don't like my work though... Hmmm... what to do?
Whatever, next topic...
I am back in school, and I am so glad I decided to do that. I don't know... I made so many mistakes in the past couple of years... I guess I just needed some time. I feel so much regret for so many things, but I guess I shouldn't dwell on it and just try to learn from them. So far school is going pretty good, and my attendance is stunning. Heh... I don't know what else to say. I think overall I am doing better for myself as stressful as it gets...
I am trying my best here... and thats all that matters.
I love blink 182... I can relate to their music... Here is the lyrics to my favourite song right now. I am posting them because I find them to be very inspirational.

Please note the "I Miss You" lyrics are CopyRight © of Blink-182

I Miss You

(I miss you miss you)
Hello there the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in backround of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting everytime
And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders
catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head(6x)

I miss you miss you(6x)

©Blink-182

(Will You Give Into Me?)
These are the voices of the taunting cravings eating away at my sanity...
Cigarettes in front of me, lighter in my pocket... To give in would be so easy... Everything is right there, ready, waiting for me to give in.
I CAN AND WILL DO THIS!!!
I heard from many people that quitting smoking is very extremely super redicuously difficult. I didn't think so... until I actually tried. OMG... it's torture. I don't want to smoke, the desire isn't there... But the evil embedded in my brain forces me to believe I want that cigarette more that anything I've ever wanted ever. Just one pull, that filling satisfaction of death, will make the world go around again. Fuck that.
IF I CAN DO THIS, I CAN DO ANYTHING...!
Everyone in the world decides they suddenly want to smoke, and the bastards all do it in front of me... Cigarettes everywhere in sight. That disgusting aroma tingles my nose and sends the same sensation of fresh baked cookies through my nostrils. Fucking shit... I need sleep.
DAY ONE.